She's Losing It..

In the time of midterms.. some random thoughts are around my head. I don’t want to sound emo, but aside from all the stressing, eating, worrying, I’ve been thinking a lot.

During the lectures of English and Lit, I realized that my writing needs a lot of work. I can’t do writing as a formal exercise because I always regarded it as the ultimate way of expressing my own feelings and emotions. When I write it in a formulated and systematic way, I tend to get paranoid and wonder whether the grammar and punctuation marks will disrupt the ‘thesis statements’ and all that. I know we should have a good sense of grammar in our writing, but college makes it so challenging because it has to perfect and whatnot.

I always thought writing was a passion of mine. But this is sort of making me down. Even though I got accepted in the official student newspaper of the school, sometimes I feel that what I will do will be regarded as inferior.

I know that deep down inside I have the potential, but I’m sort of scared to release that potential. I feel that the best of my writing will come out whenever there is actual interest behind it. There are times when the words just flow out of these fingertips with silky ease but I don’t really get that during exercises.

I fully understand that I should be grateful to have that opportunity to shape up my writing. I know that I can do it, I just have to clarify this before I actually move on.

Now I’m ready to move on.

I forgot the last time when I was this stressed about my grades. I started off pretty slack, but now I’m picking up the pace. Midterms is coming up but I know now what to do. Study, study, study. The only subject that worried about is Math, but I already got a tutor for it. Everything seems to be doing well. I just need to work harder. It’s going to be a lot of work, but it’s not entirely impossible. I’m not going to sit and complain about it. I’ll actually do something about it. This is the time to push myself because if it isn’t, where will start? I already had my free times but it’s been good, but enough is enough.

Let’s work.

Note: this was made on August 8, 2008 (08/08/08)

Only Fooling Myself..

I don't know what's on his mind.
I don't want to guess.
I don't want to think for the worse.
But I don't want to get hurt.

I'll just hope for the best in the next four years that all my dreams will come true. That day will come when everything we had been waiting for will come back. And if takes another person to recognize, I don't mind. It'll make it stronger.
Or it will never happen. The distance will remain in our hearts and it will make a scar that hurts so permanently that we will never go to that place ever again.
I don't know what's happening in his mind. Maybe there's another particular potential one. I can't say that I haven't encountered some that might endorse some response to opposite sex interest but later on, I can't help but think that it would never be the same like what we had together. I would like to think that there would be significant others for both of us but we both know that it will be nothing serious. But you know, I really don't know what to think, but right now, I don't see myself with anyone else, but him :)
I dunno. Only time will tell. I sort of gone through this lovey-dovey thing but maybe it was the next step, or probably the fact that it was actually official that made it extra harder to part with.
I guess it's all up to time. Whether it will actually happen or not.
I just hope I'll make it through
With a smile on my face
Whether it goes left or right..

In the meantime, I'm going to make use of my life. I'll study, play, sleep, bathe, laugh, chat, eat, pray, drink, dance, type, write, blog, cry, run and anything else that will DEFINE MY LIFE.