Bend and Not Break..

So this is what college really feels like.
I have so many issues running around my head. I just survived my first two weeks of school, and I'm about to break. There's so much things to do in a short period of time, it's completely overwhelming. This really puts my time management skills and memory into real work.
What's really bothering me right now is the diagnostic test on Math that we have to do on Thursday. If we score below 50, we get put into basic Math and we don't get any credit on whatever we do on that class. What's worse, we might have to take summer classes. I don't want to give up my summer staying here, instead of having the ultimate chance to go back to Jakarta. yes, the homesickness feeling is still there, which makes it even worse. I slept at 2 last night, and woke up at 9:30, and then fell asleep and then woke up 1 again. My stomach feels bloated. I haven't gotten a chance to eat all the food that my mom gave me, which is still sitting in the fridge, taking up all the space. I just found out that the delivery people of the fridge forgot to put the thing at the bottom, I'm not sure what it really is, but it's something to do with making the structure sturdy. I'm wasting a lot of money with random things. My mind's half preoccupied with trying to hold back on thinking about my personal life (friends, family, and love life) and more on the schoolwork issues and dormwork related activities. It's really stressing. We have to finish the costumes by 8 tonight. My first costume, which consists of 2 balloons have popped while I was sleeping. I have to make it again. And I have a fiction, MATH, and english assignments that I got to finish by tommorow.
I really think that if I can finish all my school assignments, if ONLY the dorm orsem didn't have to be so uptight on everything =( It's just too much seriously.
I'm trying to have a clear mind on everything but arghh! It's just too much =(
I want clarity. =(

Who Do You Think You Are?

Apart from being a totally popular Spice Girl song back in the 90s, the title of my blog is going to rant about how after listening to the song, it made me ponder, 'Hmm, what do I think about myself?'
To tell you the truth, it's been pretty much been a rollercoaster ride these past few days. Transferring to a whole new place less than 3 weeks ago, I guess you can say that the term 'homesick' has been imprinted on my forehead. Well I dunno whether it's homesickness or freshie-syndrome, but it feels so surreal at times.
I don't think it's a bad thing, really, just.....it's unexplainable. It's not that I don't want to be here. The thing is, I really want to be here, and my goodness, I am so thankful that I was destined to be accepted to this awesome-ass school.
It's the period of adjustment. I've made so many mistakes that I thought I never would have. Sometimes I feel I'm having problems adjusting socially. Sometimes one single minor teensy weensy problem (like not speaking up at class, or not following the instructions carefully) can devastate for a long period. Does anyone else get that?
It's like, trying so hard to make a difference. Coming from a school population of just a 100 to a uni with a population of almost 50 times bigger, it can be a weird transition. Back in high school, everyone knew each other and the familiar faces whenever you pass through the halls. You say hello to each other every time it happens. You get to know almost everyone's personalities.
In contrast, here, it's almost unlikely to pass someone in the hall who you recognize. There's so many people here, with so many talents and gifts. Sometimes it makes me wonder, 'Will I leave my own mark here someday?' and it'll continue to the future. Whether I'll ever accept to being a wallflower in my own life. Just standing there, hoping, wishing, dreaming of something grande to happen.
I guess it'll take some time. Mixtures of homesickness is still circulating around it.
Time will tell for almost anything. Probably 6 months from now I can look back and say that it had already been accomplished. =)

Land of a Thousand Dances..

So the Orsem 3-day thing happened..
Mind you I'm writing this within a memory of a week so I might have lef't out a couple of minor details...
It was pretty fun. And tiring.
Ateneo is a big campus. Like duh!
Well, according to they're education system, we get divided into blocks. There's like thousands of new freshmen this year and its soo much I swear. Soo much people, compared to Cibun's puny little size.
Anyway, we get separated according to our schedules and majors. Everyone in my block also has majors in AB COM.
Over the past days, I learned more about Ateneo culture. As a block, as a major, as a school, as a uni in one. Hehhee, so many fun activities, running around the school, having tours, and all that. It was so fun. I think I picked the right path. Being a part of Ateneo makes me feel proud, because I'm going to fulfill the wishes of my father. And it seems to be the right school. And, AB COM is gonna be fun baby :P
It was also a chance to get to know more of my schoolmates. So far, I made quite a few friends, mostly from my block. They all seem nice. :P
I also found out that my dormates aren't party animals. Thank goodness hehee. Apparently, two of them and a few from the other dorm rooms have known each other since they were young, and they're pretty close. Hope I don't get feel left out or push in to join them too much, you know? But I can enjoy my independence hehee. I just hope we can go to the mall sometime, you know, just to blow off steam and all that. They never shisha =( but hopefully I can look forward to other shisha partners lol :P
Even though my curfew is at 10, but oh well =(

In the last day, we had so many famous artists (fmer Ateneo alumni) that came. Parokya Ni Edgar, Urbandub, Calallily, and many more. It was soo awesome.
Hehe, and I finally moved into my dorm. My mom bought soo many stuff for me. Hopefully it won't make too much damage from studies and my stomach :p

College life..here I come :P

Thanks for the Memories..

Note: Written in times of philosophical ideas so don’t laugh :P

It’s not the end, it’s only just the beginning

These words have so many different meanings. Lately, I’ve been interpreting it through my own personal experiences, especially the ones that have happened recently.

It’s not the end, it’s only just the beginning. The end of high school. For awhile, it felt like it was the end of life, honestly, because you know, I’ve became so used to living in Jakarta. But I realized something during the last year there. I’ve got to get my mind into the reality that I’m leaving this place. So slowly, I’ve gotten myself to accept what has yet to happen.

But then the next few months came. Certain complications arose from my family, friends, and something else. Something that was probably the last thing I thought would happen. At first, I didn’t think it wasn’t going to a big deal but then as time flew by, I quickly realized how wrong it was. It became a huge deal. And it made leaving the whole thing 1000 times harder. I know now that’s its probably not going to happen for a very long time. Nothing else will make it change. It happened. I’m glad and sad that it happened at the same time. I’m glad for all the memories that I’ve gotten to experience but at the same time, sad because it was just over a short period. But that’s what life has to offer you.

I believe that everything happens for a reason. Tough enough, the way the world moves decides for it to move on. L

During May 30^th (Friday) at around 10:30, I’ve said goodbye both to the true friends that I had grew up for many years and to the place that I’ve grew up with. Everywhere in Jakarta feels oh so familiar probably because I passed around it 2000 times.

Getting to Manila, was no problem. I’ve already been here during vacation times so I’ve gotten used to the culture and whatnot. However, what was different now and the vacation time was the feeling of going back home. The place where I used to call my vacation place was now called home.

Despite its similarities of environment (a combination of congestion, pollution, and traffic), it definitely feels different. Yet there are some elements that have helped me get pass through the homesickness and nostalgic memories. Photos, letters, , my laptop, handphone, and many more. Basically any means of memorabilia and communication makes it easier.

There are times where I become super excited in what college life has yet to offer me, but then it gets hit by times of homesickness. It sucks.

I’ve discovered the true meaning of friendship. I may not have realized it until a few weeks ago, where I come to realize that these certain group of people really care about me. And because of that, I feel special. I respect and deeply admire each and every one of them. What I really want is a high school reunion in 5 years. These are the people who I grew up since I was 7 or 8 years old. It’s pretty sad how we spent so many years with each other and then we got to part in our different ways. I guess that’s how it makes memories extra special. We tend to value our times together and it’ll be cherished more.

They say that college is the best years of your life. I hope with everything inside of me, that this is true.

Let’s see if it really is….