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* CASUAL FASHIONISTA * MUSIQUE ENTHUSIAST * YOGHURT LOVER * AVID DAYDREAMER sweet, sour, tangy, bitter. Take your pick.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Who Do You Think You Are?

Apart from being a totally popular Spice Girl song back in the 90s, the title of my blog is going to rant about how after listening to the song, it made me ponder, 'Hmm, what do I think about myself?'
To tell you the truth, it's been pretty much been a rollercoaster ride these past few days. Transferring to a whole new place less than 3 weeks ago, I guess you can say that the term 'homesick' has been imprinted on my forehead. Well I dunno whether it's homesickness or freshie-syndrome, but it feels so surreal at times.
I don't think it's a bad thing, really, just.....it's unexplainable. It's not that I don't want to be here. The thing is, I really want to be here, and my goodness, I am so thankful that I was destined to be accepted to this awesome-ass school.
It's the period of adjustment. I've made so many mistakes that I thought I never would have. Sometimes I feel I'm having problems adjusting socially. Sometimes one single minor teensy weensy problem (like not speaking up at class, or not following the instructions carefully) can devastate for a long period. Does anyone else get that?
It's like, trying so hard to make a difference. Coming from a school population of just a 100 to a uni with a population of almost 50 times bigger, it can be a weird transition. Back in high school, everyone knew each other and the familiar faces whenever you pass through the halls. You say hello to each other every time it happens. You get to know almost everyone's personalities.
In contrast, here, it's almost unlikely to pass someone in the hall who you recognize. There's so many people here, with so many talents and gifts. Sometimes it makes me wonder, 'Will I leave my own mark here someday?' and it'll continue to the future. Whether I'll ever accept to being a wallflower in my own life. Just standing there, hoping, wishing, dreaming of something grande to happen.
I guess it'll take some time. Mixtures of homesickness is still circulating around it.
Time will tell for almost anything. Probably 6 months from now I can look back and say that it had already been accomplished. =)

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