Creep..

Can you keep a secret?

1. I don't think I'm doing so well in my academics. I think I got to step up a notch if I want to do well, and I really want to. I'm not sure whether it's the transition or that I'm just going through my adjustment phase. A big chunk of responsibility pretty much goes to not studying hard enough. The transition from the education system in Jakarta and college is so different. Back there, it was so lazy and laidback. Here, it's time to get serious and whatever. Still, I can't speak up in class because the pressure makes me question myself. I'm so quiet in class. I like to imagine that in the future, when I'm really settled here I can do well in class. Be participative and all that.
One of my biggest weaknesses is probably comparing myself with others. They all seem to be so smart and intelligent and hardworking and all that. I'm afraid that I'm not up to par with them. Like I'm considered to be one of the dumbest people there. Today I got the results back from my botany long exam. I got a D. When I get the results for my math and botany lab long exam I know I'll either fail or pass with a couple of points. What's wrong with me? :(
Guess I need to really study hard. It's a huge eye-opener. I hope my parents will understand it. It's a hard adjustment after all.
2. My healthy habits are like, questionable. Not only did my stomach's stomach gained another stomach, I got like two ear infections ever since I got here. That and a stupid catalzion in my left eye. Dust is starting to gather in my cabinets and I don't think I have the time to actually clean it. Maybe in the holidays, I don't know. I'm trying hard to maintain my healthy habits by eating a salad consisting of lettuce and carrots, topped with a dressing that probably has 100 calories per teaspoon.
3. Budget, budget, budget. Some temptations are just hard to resist. Especially yesterday, there was a book sale in campus and they were selling all kinds of books for a bargain price. Books that you don't normally see in bookstores and if you do, it's probably like two or three times more. I can't pass up a great bargain, especially if its books. I have a shelf full of unread books. When I have the time I'm going to lie down and read all of it and enhance my pursuit of knowledge.
I also have to manage my internet intake. Since my mom applied for the prepaid internet, I pay when I use. It's going to be hard because internet... is the greatest invention in the world. Forget what other peope say, we just can't live without internet.
Next month, I'm going to keep track of all my expenses.

I guess the subjects in which I worry a lot about is Math and Botany Lab. The rest I probably can manage if I work harder. Math here is like a whole new world to me.Word problems are the worst.
Hopefully I have to endure this pain till next year. If I'm not able to pass the class, I'll probably have to take it again. And the cycle will go on and on. I can not possibly endure this academic struggle anymore. Forgive me for being dramatic, but seriously, math is just not cut out for me. I hate advanced math. And it hates me as well.
Wish me luck in everything.
This time, I seriously need it.