Silently..

Silently I'm suffering.
Well, not really but it feels like that.
I don't know what I'm going to do when I grow up. I don't want to become a full-time journalist, but I would like a career where I can do some writing though.
Public Relations is an interesting field. If having a career in that means that you have to be one of those hyped up, energetic sort of people, I may have some trouble with that. Public speaking something that I must improve. I also like to study about media interest and popular culture.
Anyway, why am I talking about this when I'm still in my first year of college and still struggling through the basic subjects of Math?
I should have taken Math1, even though its called math for retards. Jeez. At least I know I wouldn't have to stress so much on my QPI. If I get a fcking D for Math 11, I'll still be happy you know? The only disadvantages is probably the self-consciousness I would get from other classmates (which I always have a problem with) and summer classes. The latter is what scares me the most. Not only would I not be able to go back to Jakarta for the summer (the summer I will never got for 2008), I might ruin the chances of meeting a certain someone. Maybe, maybe not. Let's just see.
The problem that I get whenever I take a math quiz is that I start to panic. I know inside that I can do it, but then this sort of pressure comes up. It's hard to explain, like a combination of pressure to do really good and questioning whether I'm doing the right thing or not.
That's the hurdle that I have to jump through.
Just thought you might like to know :)